Vertigo
by 2BAT96
Summary: He felt as if his skull was breaking into million of pieces, as if is brain was melting down. Cancer. 26 years old, and he had cancer. He tried saying it aloud, but even still it felt foreign to him. JAMIE CENTERED
1. Prologue

_Hiiii everyone, hope you're all having a great day !_

 _Sooo kind of a angsty story ahead, I warned you. I hope you will enjoyed it, and I apologized in advance for any mistakes, grammatical, orthographic or else that I might have made, as English isn't my first langage. But if you see one in particular or even numerous of them that make you want to tear your hair out, please please let me know about it :)_

* * *

 _._

 **PROLOGUE**

 _._

It wasn't that Jamie did not like cats. He found them kind of cute, with their little paws and all of the purring. But he always had been more of a dog person and would have definitely favored them on the choice of a pet. That's part of why he found it so strange that one day, out of the blue, a cat decided to follow him around.

...

The first time it happened, he had freaked out a little.

There he was, minding his business in the local supermarket when suddenly a cat jump in his cart and told him to not forget about the milk. He had blinked one, twice, but the cat had just stayed there, looking right at him. And just when he thought that maybe he just dreamt the talking part, the animal had told him that they should really hurry if they did not want to miss Jack's football game later in the morning.

Jaime had run away from his cart, the cat, and the supermarket at this point, not even bothered by the surprised looks the other customers were giving him. He may not have slept enough for quite sometimes, but cats had never talk to him before, and he decided that was a reason enough to panic a little bit. He ended up skipping on Jack's game that day, and stayed at home, nursing one of those pounding headache that had been assaulting him for the past month.

Danny wasn't too pleased with his absence, and Jack barely hidden deception made him feel pretty remorseful, but his family bought his story of not hearing the alarm clock this morning without questioning, which was a great news because he really wasn't too keen on telling them the real reason.

...

Only two days passed between then and the second time it happened.  
He was at the precinct, filling out on some reports when out of the blue, the cat reappeared, making himself confortable on his desk, covering all of his papers with its ginger fur. It had looked at him silently for a few seconds, and then asked him if he was going to stare at him all day or get back to work.

Jamie had then looked at his partner, slumped on her own desk ahead of him, but she didn't even looked up, seemingly not at all disturbed by the talking cat actually residing on the top of his desk.

He had called her name, and Eddie had looked at him, asking him what he wanted. She had appeared annoyed when he didn't answered, and had repeated herself. But never did she seemed to even acknowledged the cat, and Jamie had been so disturbed by that that he had wordlessly got up from his desk and directly to the men's bathroom, ignoring his partner calls, and proceeded to splash some water on his face. When he came back to his table, a little while later, the cat was nowhere to be seen, and he was left with a part annoyed and part worried Eddie, advising him to « _really get some sleep, Reagan_ ».

….

The third time, he was already suffering from a quiet but painful migraine, that did not like for one bit the fact that he was actually walking in the much too shiny day. He wanted to claw his eyes out of their socket, and maybe puke, or scream, but he sure as hell wasn't about to tell that to his partner. Eddie was already suspicious around him, convinced that he was hiding something, and he really did not want to fuel her doubts.

But at the same time, he just knew that if his headache didn't calm down soon, the rest of the patrol would be literal hell. They got on the car, and that's when the cat came again, sitting on his laps and gently purring. Eddie was talking to him, and he forced himself to engage a bit in the conversation, but most of his attention remained centered on the little ball of fur and its soft purring, that seemed to act like a remedy to his aches. The bright sunny day suddenly became bearable, and Eddie's talking was not a stabbing right throught his skull anymore, and he felt himself relax.

The cat did not talk to him this day, and disappeared before they arrived to their next stop. But he took away Jamie's headache with him, and for that he was immensely grateful.

…

The cat came back almost every single day ever since that time, and every time, he acted like a medicine to his more and more painful headaches. Sometimes he seemed to cure it completely, other times he would just numb it a little, but either way, it was always a very much appreciated improvement. On the back of his head, Jamie knew something was wrong. It was not normal that such powerful headaches ailed him almost every single day, and it was definitely not totally fine that a talking cat that no one else seemed to see and hear apart from him was following him around and helping with his suffering.

But despite knowing that, he waited for another month before paying a visit to the hospital, deciding that it could wait for a little bit more.

Turn out that it couldn't.

And there he was know, seating across this doctor.

Dr. Thompson, he remembered her telling him, after he had been asked to come here today to « discuss » about the result of the scan they had done to him, along with a flurry of other tests. She was staring at him with her big eyes and frizzy hair coming out of her bun, gently talking about what they needed to do now. He wanted to give her all of his attention, he really did. But everything was all too much and he was _so hot_ , but _so cold_ , and he wanted to get out of there and _oh god that could not be right_ and yeah he was internally panicking. He wanted it to be a nightmare, and waited and waited and pinched himself in hope of waking up, but as nothing happened and he stayed there, sited opposite to this doctor, he knew that everything was oh so real. The word _brain cancer_ on Thompson 's documents jumped at him again, making him feel dizzy and almost angry because come on he was only 26 and living a perfectly healthy lifestyle, wasn't it so unfair ? Tuning the doctor out completely, he tried to think of how he was going to tell that to everyone, and how life was going to be now.

And has he grew more and more desesperate, incapable of finding the so much needed answers, he saw the cat standing on the doctor's desk, paying close to no attention to the woman, only staring at him with what he could have swear was a vicious smile.

* * *

 _You made it to the end of the prologue !_

 _Sooo coming up next, the Reagan family !_

 _Lots of love xx_


	2. Chapter 1

_Author's note at the end_

* * *

.

 **CHAPTER ONE**

.

 _ **Friday, Mars 24th**_

.

It was only once he reached his appartement and closed his door behind him that Jamie felt the fog that had been clouding his mind slowly going away.

It wasn't some kind of joke, nor an episode of one of those medical series. It was _real,_ and it was happening to _him._

At least he wasn't going crazy, he told himself. Because as much as the cat helped him with all the headaches, deep down he still had known that it really wasn't a normal thing and that he should definitely be at least a little bit worried by eh, at the time it had been easier to just not think about it and just go on with it.

Turn out he wasn't losing his mind in the end but only deadly sick. It certainly was a bit of an improvement, he guessed.

He sighed, took of his coat and threw it on a chair.

 _What now ?_ His medical record and the little box containing the five bottles of pills that had been given to him felt heavy in his hands.

 _Cancer_. _26 years old and he had cancer_. He tried saying it out loud a few times, but even then it felt so foreign to him.

Realistically, he knew that the doctors hadn't made any mistakes. He had seen the scan, he had heard the explanation. But _cancer_ … He sure as hell hadn't been expecting _that_ going to the hospital this morning.

He put down both the record and the box on his kitchen counter, and took out the little bottles.

Dr . Thompson had told him that most of the times, they would perform surgery on brain tumors, but his was inoperable, in a location too hard for a surgeon to access without serious risk. So she had decided that they should start by trying chemotherapy, and then, if it was not effective enough, they would couple it with radiation therapy.

All in all, jolly times ahead of him, and he had been really close to burst in tears when she had started listing all the side effects that he had to be prepared for : fatigue, nausea, loss of appetite, fevers… So yeah, she had concluded, there was no way he could keep doing his job, even part-time. And this majorly sucked because _what was he supposed to do then_ ? Wait on his couch for the next time to take his chemo pills ?

At least he did not have to go to the hospital to get his treatment by IV. He didn't think he would have supported sitting in a room for hours, along with some others sick strangers, that would have just make his own sickness so much more real.

At home, he could almost ignore it - well, weekly doctors appointments and side effects aside, of course. Still, his health insurance was great, but chemo pills were costly - not much money would be left after all of this was over, that was for sure.

 _That or I just die_ , he grimly thought, opening the box of bottles.

Putting on medical gloves has he had been instructed to, Jamie took his three first chemo pills. He threw the gloves on the trash, made some place on the wall cupboard and stored the bottles.

Now, he should probably go on and make the calls. That was not definitely not something he was eager to do. After all what would he tell the person on the other line ? « _Danny, hey, just wanted to tell you I've got a brain tumor. So anyway how's the boys_ _? »_

Yeah, that was a big no-no. And he really didn't felt up to talking to anyone right now. Maybe it was the pills already acting, or maybe it was just the overall excitation of the day that was starting to wear off on him, but the only thing he could see himself doing right now was taking the longest nap possible.

Yawning, he crashed on his bed, not even bothering to take of his clothes. Leaving his job, telling everyone, it could surely wait a day, he decided. And that would give him time to think about what to say exactly.

.

* * *

 _I'm no doctor, so please bear with me - I really am sorry if I make any medical mistakes or say absurdities. One of my best friends actually is in remission of brain cancer, so I'm using his experience, along with some research aside to be as realistic as possible, but it is likely that I get some things wrong. So please, forgive me in advance for that o_

 _That being said..._

 _Hiiii_

 _Thanks a lot for your reviews guys ! I really appreciate it. And thanks for reading this chapter also - I know it may seem that we are going reeeeal slow right now, but I just want to set the mood and everything before bringing up all the others. I hope you enjoyed, and see you soon ! Next chapter should be upload before the end of the week._


	3. Chapter 2

_Author's note at the end_

* * *

 _._

 **CHAPTER TWO**

 _._

 ** _Sunday, April 14th_**

 _._

You never know how attached you are to your mane until you risk losing it, Jamie pondered while inspecting himself on his bathroom , he ran an hand through his locks, reassuring himself of its presence.

Almost one month taking his chemo pills, and his hair still remained strong and very much present on his head - albeit maybe not as shiny as they were before. Maybe it was vain of him to care so much about something so frivolous - hair was hair, and it could always grow back once he got back on the healthy side after all. But eh, _you get comfort where you can_ , and Jamie _definitely_ needed some these days.

Chemo was taking a serious toll on his body, and knowing that it was just the start made him often doubt of his chances of even pulling through the treatment. _Sure_ , he had kept all of his hair, but not even the baggy sweatshirts he wore could hide the amount of weight he had lost the past weeks.

Not that it was really surprising him, considering how much trouble he had to get anything down and to keep it there. In fact, he had became so tired of vomiting everything that entered his mouth that he barely ate anything anymore, and most of it immediately came back up anyway. It was a tiring, desperate process that left him with low-blood pressure and even more fatigue than the whole cancer already came with.

His oncologist, Dr . Thompson, was not happy about it. She had frowned disapprovingly during all of their weekly appointment two days ago. Said that his already petite frame couldn't hold much more weight loss. She had told him that they were going to have to swap one of his medicament for another that should help him grow some appetite back - and hopefully not make his meals reappear as soon as they've entered. He had nodded, and went to get his new pills at the nurse station. One more little bottle to add to his growing collection, he had thought. They were taking almost all of the place on his wall cupboard now.

.

Jaime sighed, and got out of his bathroom. He really needed to dress himself if he didn't want to be _too late_ for Sunday's dinner. His first since he had started chemotherapy, and if he was listening to himself, he would chicken out and make up an excuse not to go, just to not have to suffer all the question that were sure about to come. But as a responsible adult, Jamie _knew_ that postponing the meeting with the others was only going to bring more suspicions and questions his way - still, he wished he could just hide in a little cave and never come out.

The soon to be ex-police officer knew that if he was honest with himself, he had been nothing but responsible during the past three weeks.

Sure, he had taken his medication at the time his doctor had told him to.

But rather than making the much dreaded calls, he had begged Renzulli to accept that he took a two weeks leave straight away. The sergeant had seemed a bit suspicious at his demand, but bless the guy, had accepted without too much convincing needed, saying that it was indeed high times that he took some time off, and that « _seriously you've been looking paler than an aspirin lately kid_ ».

Jamie had then hop on a plane to Florida and stayed a week at Anton's house, a friend from Harvard. If his friend had been surprised when he arrived, he hadn't show it for a minute, and Jamie had been touched to notice how happy Anton was to spend time with him. He had met his coworkers and friends, go out and drink with them, and visited the city during the day while Anton was at work.

He didn't really knew what he had been expecting when he decided out of the blue to go to another state, but Jamie did not regret it for a had been a perfect getaway. He had enjoyed his time and almost forget about the tumor-in-his-head-situation, medication time aside. He had felt fine all week long, taking his pills while Anton was not there to see and ask questions, and everything had been perfect.

After spending such a great time, second week hit him like a truck at full speed. As soon as he got home constant dizziness, low-grade fever and an ever so-present nausea made their apparition, sometimes even followed by vertigo bouts. Even standing up proved to be a challenge, and he only went out to get to his hospital appointment. That truly sucked, and he was grateful that everyone believed him to be in another city, and thus would not come and see him.

But days passed, and questions inevitably started coming.

Of course, he knew that the short text he sent to Eddie telling her that he was going away for two weeks and that he would bring her back a souvenir from Florida would not satisfy her. He had known the second he pressed send that she would try to call him to ask for some explanations as to why he had not told her that in person, and what the hell was going on with him. And she had. But apart from a few quick SMS, he had been mute for the two weeks, which made him prepared for the sight of a really pissed Eddie waiting at his door the night marking the official end of his vacation.

She had been fuming when he opened the door, but had calm down immediately when she got a look at his face, and saw him wobbling his way to his couch on unsteady legs.

She had sat down next to him and he had told her about the tumor and the treatment. He had tried not to notice the tears rolling quietly on her cheeks when he was finished, and they had hugged for a while in silence, neither of them moving. It truly had felt nice to tell someone, and she hadn't been resentful that he hadn't done it before.

« _What are you going to do now ? Telling Renzulli tomorrow ?_ » Eddie had asked, and he had looked at her in total loss. Telling Renzulli meant that his father and Danny would automatically know, and he knew that they would not take it well to learn it from someone else than him. He wasn't even sure if he was ready to tell them ! (He was definitely not and would probably never be) And even if he decided to resign without giving a reason to Renzulli, his father would still know shortly after and inevitably come to ask him _why_.

 _Sometimes - often - having your father as the PC majorly sucked_. Eddie had sensed his discomfort, and told him to take another week off « j _ust say you have the flu or something Reagan, they won't doubt you_ », but made him promise to come clean at the end of it. She had swore not to tell anyone until then, and had stayed true to her promess. She had came every single day of the week, staying him for hours before and after her tour, and he had felt truly relieved to have her by his side, helping him do the simplest chore and just distracting him with her ever so-enjoyable presence.

.

Eddie knew how stressed he was for today, and has even proposed to come with him - but it was something he had to face alone.

His father had let him stay in peace for the past two weeks, just giving him a quick call each Sunday. Maybe Frank had sensed that his youngest needed some time alone, or maybe he just had a busy schedule, but either way, Jamie did not complained about it.

Erin mainly communicated by texts, so it had been easier to respond to her - no need to fake energy to make his voice less miserable or anything.

Danny though had been the real challeng. He hadn't bought his sudden decision to take a two-weeks leave as easily as the others, and had tried calling him ten times the first three days alone. So Jaime had send him a short SMS telling him that everything was fine and that they'll see each other soon, which _apparently hadn't been the right thing to do_ because his brother then started texting him dozens of questions that made him felt like he was the current suspect in Danny's new investigation. _Eh, thinking of it now, maybe he was_. But anyway, he had stop responding then, and Jaime knew that this would earn him a _very_ angry discussion with the detective in a few hours.

 _Eh, maybe playing the cancer card will save me there,_ he thought, a grim smile on his lips.

He inspected himself on the mirror one last time. His legs were floating a bit on his pants, but that was okay - nothing to noticeable. He had to go down three notches on his belt to hold them up, but no one had to know that, so this was okay too. He debated putting on another shirt on top of the two he already had under his sweatshirt - he always was feeling cold these days, and it made him seem a bit heavier -, but finally decided against it. Three t-shirt and a sweatshirt in a quite warm month of April would _definitely_ raise some eyebrows at the dinner table if the Reagan were to discover it, and it was not a risk he wanted to take. He gently slapped himself on the cheeks to try to get some colors back on his face, tried to ignore his _very_ pronounced dark circles, took his car keys on the kitchen counter and got to his car before he could change his mind.

Briefly wondering if he should really be driving in his state, he turned the contact on, and vowed himself to stay calm. _Today the Reagan, tomorrow Renzulli._ Three weeks of cowardly avoiding it leading to this moment. _He sure as hell wasn't excited for that._

 _._

* * *

 _Hiiii_

 _So sorry for the long wait, the place I'm staying at at the moment have very unstable Wi-Fi. I hope this long chapter will make you all forgive me :)_

 _Thanks a lot for your reviews, it really made my day !_

 _EmLiketoWrites, I'm really sorry to hear about your best friend. I hope that you are okay and that wherever he is right now, he is at peace too, and send you all of my love._

 _See you all as soon as possible xoxo_


	4. Chapter 3

_Author's note at the end_

* * *

.

 **CHAPTER THREE**

.

 ** _Sunday, April 14th_**

.

Daniel Reagan was no stranger to worrying.

He often worried about little things, such as the possibility of rain ruining the picnic that Linda had planned for the boys or Sean's bad mark at his last test in school. As troublesome as they could be, he knew that those type of worries were not that important, and they certainly didn't kept him up at night.

The well-being of his family was an entirely different matter. He often thought about how his job might someday put his wife and kids in serious danger, or how his father's position made him more prone to threats. How his baby brother could very well meet the same fate as Joe. How one of the baddies prosecuted by Erin might one day decide to avenge himself and succeed. Those were the kind of thoughts that made him lose sleep.

So, naturally, when he had learned from his father that his kid brother had decided to take an immediate two weeks vacations in Florida without having told anyone of his plan beforehand, Danny had felt a tiny pinch of worry poking him. Knowing that his father hadn't even seen Jamie before he left but only learned his decision through a single text message increased his uneasiness. But having his calls unanswered by his brother and only being served with three miserable text message in return, _that_ had definitely made him go into full worry mode.

All of this had been so un-Jamie like ! His brother wasn't the kind of guy who acted out-of-the-blue without a care in the world. He wasn't one to refuse to answer calls, and he certainly wasn't one to flee on his family, damnit !

What was even more unnerving to Danny was the apparent calmness of everyone else concerning the issue.

Sure, his father had made that frown that he did when something was troubling him when Danny had asked him about it, but other than that, he hadn't really did anything at all, other than telling him that he had had Jamie on the phone and that he had seems fine.

Erin had told him at last Sunday dinner that Jamie was an adult and free to do what ever he pleased without having to ask Danny for permission first, and that whatever his reasons were, they were none of his concern if Jamie didn't want to share them.

Linda had implied that his sister wasn't wrong, and everybody else had agreed with that. Only Nicky had really seemed troubled by the situation, but hadn't piped a word.

At the end of the two weeks, Danny had been reduced to a ball of nerves, and more than ready to have a little talk with his brother. He had arranged to hop at the 12th precinct by _pure hazard_ the day of his supposed return, only to learn that Jamie had caught the flu and wouldn't be coming for the week. The little blonde officer that he partnered with quickly confirmed the news to him, her eyes never meeting his, and clearly eager not to spend to long discussing it with him.

And so, after two weeks of constant worrying, Danny spent another one, feeling his already thin patience shatter in pieces. He had stopped calling his brother or texting him after being left _again_ unanswered, and had decided against forcing his way through Jamie's apartment. But his worry had morphed into a very nasty anger that he had no qualms reversing on the young officer as soon as he would appear at Sunday's dinner.

The fact that Jamie was late was only adding to his cold fury. Sure, deep down he knew that the kid probably had his reasons and that screaming at him wouldn't help anyone. But he was tired of waiting and being left unanswered.

.

He was still in this state of mind when Linda's and Frank's phone rang in unison. Some guys had tried to rob a bank, and had injured two police officers during a car pursuit that had resulted in a massive accident. Linda's help at St Victor's hospital would be greatly appreciated, and Frank's presence with the wounded cops was necessary.

Danny drove his wife to St Victor's while Frank went with the car they had sent for him to the other hospital where the cops had been taken. He made it in ten minutes, and accompanied Linda to the entrance, watched her put on her blouse, wished her good luck, and watched her a few seconds get to work quickly.

 _What a day_ , he sighed. That sure as hell wasn't the way he had planned to spend his Sunday, today or ever for the matter. He was so deep in his thoughts that he almost didn't pay attention to the blonde man sat on one of the plastic chair, signing some papers that were giving him a nurse. Hearing her say « _That will be all mister Reagan, you can go_ » definitely made him stop on his track and look up.

 _Jamie ?_

And as sure as the earth was round, there was his baby brother, weakly thanking the nurse and getting up to make his way out. Even thought it most definitely was the one and only Jamie Reagan, Danny couldn't help but wonder if his eyes were tricking him. Since when did his brother seemed so... _fragile_ ?This guy looked like he could enter a boxing combat with a kitten and lose, for heaven's sake !

« Jamie ! »

His brother immediately turned hearing his name, and for a second, a mix of horror and surprised painted his face. He quickly regained control of his emotion, and hesitantly smiled.

« Danny, hey. What are you doing here ? »

« What are YOU doing here ? And what the hell happened to you ? » he snapped back, pointing at Jamie's bandaged hand, and then at him entirely.

« Ah… » Jamie sighed, still smiling weakly. « I was on my way to dad's house, when I got caught in some car accident. I'm fine, just a sprained wrist, but they insisted on taking me here. Can't say the same for my car, sadly. »

« Just a sprained hand ? Have you even looked at yourself ? », fuming, and without waiting for an answer, Danny took his brother unhurt arm and went searching for a doctor, or even better, his wife, not caring the slightest about what Jamie had to say about it. _Just a sprained wrist. Just a sprained wrist !_ Jesus, why had they even allowed him to get checked out of the hospital? He was no doctor but even he could tell that there was something _definitely_ more wrong than a sprained wrist with his brother.

He was stopped in his momentum by Jamie's sudden jerk, letting him get free of Danny's grasp.

« Danny, stop. I want to go home now. »

Jamie truly looked pitiful, Danny decided. He had always been pale, but apart from his suspiciously rosy cheeks and dark under eyes circles, his face seemed drained out of any color right now. He was shaking like a leaf, and the oldest wasn't sure that he would stay upright for long. But even still, the kid was looking at him with such determination that it almost made up for his miserable stance. Almost.

« Danny », he tried again, almost whispering now, « please. »

The broken tone of his brother made Danny's resolution to get him back to a doctor crumble. Without a word, he led his brother out of the hospital and to his car.

.

The ride back to Jamie's apartment had been deadly silent, neither brother daring to speak. Danny followed the young officer inside and took notes of the slight mess reigning in the living room. Sure, it was nothing too bad, just a few clothes here and there and some books on the floor rather than on the bookcase, but for a clean freak like Jamie, that was highly unusual.

« It didn't mean to get involved in that accident you know »

Jamie's intervention broke him out of his thought. He humorlessly laughed.

« You obviously didn't mean to give any news either »

Jamie tensed. « My phone was in my vest and they had took it from me at the hospital. I was going to… »

« We both know I'm not talking about that stupid car crash ! » Danny interrupted him, which made the youngest frown.

« Numerous people were severely wounded in it, Danny. Two officers even… »

« You were gone for two weeks ! » angrily spat the detective, barely restraining himself from shouting. « Since when do you go on vacation without notice ? »

« I didn't… »

« A fucking text message to Dad does not count ! And were you that busy that you could not answer you phone ? »

« I just needed to take some time… » Jamie weakly intervened, only to get cut off again.

« And then you come back and take a week off because you have the flu or whatever. » Danny's voice was almost dripping with venom. « What is it going to be next week ? You lost the key to your house and can't get out ? »

« Danny listen… »

« No, you listen ! Two weeks, two fucking weeks and you couldn't even manage to pass one call ? »

« Danny I… »

« I was head over heels worrying for your selfish ass ! One call damnit ! And don't even get me started about how unprofessional that is. Do you really think that you can just leave work one day because you feel like it ? And you- Eh, are you okay ?! »

Danny stopped mid-rant, seeing his brother turn two shades whiter than he already was, breathing heavy and labored. His two quick steps were just fast enough to catch Jamie before he crashed on the flooring, and slipping the other arms around his neck, he dragged him to the couch, where he made him laid down.

« Hey, kid, you with me ? » he worriedly asked, all traces of anger long gone. Danny tried to take his brother pulse, but the blond faintly repelled him, eyes still closed.

« 'M fine… Just let me a minute »

And Danny watched him taking shaky breath for a minute, then five, and finally, a bit of color came back to his face, and Jamie decided that he was okay enough to sit instead of laying down.

He was more cowering himself than sitting really, his all body shaken by intense shudder, and Danny wasn't sure it was that much of an improvement.

« Jesus kid » he sighed, « I need a beer. »

« I don't think I have any » Jamie murmured through chattering teeth.

« You always have beer » frowned Danny. Assuring himself that his brother would be fine if he left his side for a few seconds, he went over to the fridge, and felt a sudden cold that had nothing to do with the device washing over him.

« Jamie » he said softly, « Why is your fridge completely empty ? »

Not waiting for his brother answer, Danny went searching through the various shelves and cupboard of his brother kitchen, the detective in him screaming at him how wrong all of that was. The fridge was empty, the shelves were mostly missing food and the few items eatable that he found were old or clearly had never been touched. Finally, he got to a wall cupboard right next to the kitchen counter. Silently, he took out its contents, and inspected the little bottles. _Procabazine, Vincristine, Temozolamide…_ All of it was clearly out of his knowledge territory. But what he knew for sure is that it was _his brother's name_ that was written on all of these bottles, next to the medical jargon. _Jamie Reagan_ , in neat printed letters, on each ones of them.

He turned back, bottles still in hand, and watched Jamie observing him from his position on the couch. Jamie looked at the bottles, at the hand holding them, and then, finally, dared to face his older brother eyes.

« I was going to tell you, I swear. » He whispered, voice breaking at the end.

« Jamie. Why are you taking those ? »

Jamie simply shook his head. « I was about to tell you. I wanted to but I couldn't. I'm sorry. I couldn't. I'm so sorry. I tried, but I just couldn't. I… » He took a quick inspiration and locked his eyes with his brother's. « It's for chemotherapy Danny. They found me a brain tumor. They say I can't go back to working until the treatment his over. I just didn't know what to do, Danny, I'm so sorry. »

And just like that, Danny really felt the need to sit down.

.

* * *

 _Hiiii_

 _So there you have it, finally, Danny enters the story ! I hope you were not too weirded out by my decision to change the POV. I felt that I needed another pair of eyes to tell this part of the story o.o_

 _Danny now knows and well, in the plot line that I've made in my head for all of this story, this moment in particular was the real start of the action. There is no backing out of this now Jamie is it ?_

 _Anywayyyy I hope you liked it ! It's my longest chapter to date and I'm of proud in a way hihi_

 _See you as soon as possible, a great big thank you for your reviews, your follows and even your favorites, you guys rocks._

 _And once again, all of my heart and wishes goes to everyone of you that have crossed path with cancer. Whether it was you, a relative or a friend, I wish you all the best, and send you all my love._


	5. Chapter 4

_Author's note at the end_

* * *

.

 **CHAPTER 4**

.

 _ **Monday, April 15th**_

 _._

« How did it go ? »

Jamie shrugged, and sat down next to Eddie's desk.

« It could have been worse, I guess. He's pretty angry I didn't tell him straight away but he understand I think. Renzulli is not one to hold a grudge, he'll get over it soon. »

Eddie nodded, an unreadable expression on her face.

« So it's done ? »

« What is ? »

« Your resignation. It's official ? You're no longer an officer ? We're not partners anymore ? »

« Well, yeah » he sighed. « Sarge told me to get my ass back here as soon as I've recovered though. »

« Will you ? »

« Will I what ? »

« Come back once you're better. »

Jamie looked at his partner, silently taking note of her trembling chin.

« That's the plan, yeah. »

She forced a smile, lacking the usual shine that he loved to see in her eyes.

« It's been hard without you those past weeks you know. I don't know how I'll do once I'll be officially assigned a new partner. »

He took her hand in his.

« You're gonna do just fine Ed. Besides I'm not dead yet, you can still come and see me. »

« Don't say that ! »

« I'm sorry. What I meant to say is that you can still contact me. I'm not leaving you » _Not yet,_ he silently added in his head.

She quietly hummed, and pointed at his bandaged hand.

« How's the wrist ? »

« 'S fine. Kind of forgot about it to be honest. »

« You're really a show all on you're own you know ? Getting caught on an accident on your way to announce that you have cancer to your family. You need to stop being so dramatic. »

« Eh ! » he replied, faking a hurt face. « It's not like I _tried_ to get on an accident you know. It just happened. »

« Yeah well, those kind of things only happen with you. »

She giggled, seeing him slightly pout.

« Oh, come on, no need to sulk Reagan, you know I'm right. Eh, did you or Danny told the rest of your family yet ? »

Jamie straightened up, and made a face.

« No. I made Danny promised to wait a bit, although I'm not sure of how long he'll be able to hold his tongue. Renzulli won't say a word either. »

« You can't keep avoiding telling them, Jamie », she frowned. « You can't fight against that all by yourself, and they're going to learn sooner or later. Besides, it went well with Danny yesterday, didn't it ? »

He got up from his chair, keeping a grip on the desk when a wave of dizziness washed over him.

« Yeah, I'm not so sure about that » he mouthed. Feeling better, he smiled at her and let go off the desk. « I have to go, Ed. I'll let you work. »

She stopped him before he could walk out of the precinct, and forced him to look her straight in the eyes.

« Wait. What do I tell the other here ? People have already started to ask question you know. They're worried about you too. We all are. »

Jamie suddenly wanted nothing more than go to sleep and forget about it all.

« I don't know. Tell them whatever you want. »

« Jamie… »

« I really gotta go Ed. We'll talk later okay ? »

He gently kissed her on the cheek, and, not waiting for a response, made his way out of the precinct, keeping his head down to avoid being spotted by anyone. _Maybe for the last time_ , he internally grumbled. Shaking the dark thoughts out of his head, Jamie hurried up to get outside and find a cab. Dr . Thompson would really not appreciate him being late on their appointment.

.

.

« I don't understand » Jamie hesitantly said.

His oncologist took of her glasses, putting them on the top of her head. _It's going to get the glass all dirty_ , he thought. She seemed to be doing that a lot when something was upsetting her, he had noticed over the course of the various meetings he had had with her.

« Mister Reagan » she spoke again, in her patient yet firm tone, « the results that we have observed since the beginning of your treatment are not sufficient. We need to go a step further if we want to beat this tumor. »

« Are we going to start radiotherapy ? »

« Yes », she nodded, « but we're also going to… well, upgrade your chemotherapy treatment. »

Jamie didn't like the look on her face. It was not one that predicted good things.

« It's going to get even worse then ? » he almost whispered.

This round of chemo had been _hard_. Sure, it had only been three weeks, but really it had felt like a whole year. The tiredness, the headaches and chilliness, the nausea, the difficulty to just walk for more than 100 meters at a time… That had already been difficult enough to bear with. Knowing that it had only been the start made him scared for what was coming next.

Observing his apprehension, she tried for a more gentle tone.

« I know it's hard to hear, and I won't lie to you, it's not going to be easy. You know, we have a saying for the cancer patients : it have to get worse in order to get better. We need to fight it more aggressively, mister Reagan. We don't have any other choice if we want a chance to beat it. »

« Jamie. », he simply supplied. « Please call me Jamie. Mister Reagan sounds weird.»

She smiled.

« Very well Jamie. Now let's see when we can appoint your future radiotherapy sessions, alright ? »

.

.

When he was a child, he loved the sound of the rain. He would spend hours reading in his room, listening to it pouring noisily against his windows.

And then, when the downpour would stop, he would slide his shoes on and go outside, rejoicing the comforting smell that lingered. His mother always found that to be quite endearing, and would sometimes come out and sit down with him on the wet grass, not worrying for once about the green tint his jean were sure to be stained with.

Those were nice, pleasurable moments that to this day he remembers vividly.

But then he grew up, and his mom died, and now he was maybe going to die also from the same illness. Sure, his mother had been ailed with breast cancer which wasn't exactly the same thing as brain cancer. But it still was _cancer_ and it still _majorly sucked_.

And as of right now, Jamie would considers killing someone if it was what it take for the rain to finally stop.

Going out of the hospital, his planning of radiotherapy sessions to come in hand, he had been welcomed by the downpour. It had reflected his mood quite well, and at first he had almost laughed at the humor of the situation.

But then, he hadn't been able to find a cab to get him home, and the sounds of millions of drops of water crashing noisily on the ground had started to sounds like banger in his ears. Which had resulted on a skull bashing headache, that was almost blinding him.

He had thought of calling Danny to come and fetch him, but his hands were shaking too much for tipping the numbers, and talking seemed to be too much of a chore.

So yeah, instead of just getting back in the hospital and asking for a cab to be called for him, he had decided that walking home was obviously the better option. _How stupid could he be ?_ Then again, his brain was not in the best of state these days, and the headaches made it quite hard to think, but _still_.

And there he was, miserably walking at a snail pace, completely drenched. If only he at least had an umbrella to sheltered himself a little. He didn't know for how long he had been walking, but he knew for sure that if he didn't stop soon he was going to promptly faint on the pavement.

Damn his fucking tumor and chemotherapy for making him incapable of doing any form of physical effort without feeling like he had run two whole marathons.

He remembered a time, not so long ago, when he would go running for hours without it being any problem at all. And now he was reduced at stopping every five steps to regain his breath while walking... Even those old people with their walker would win if he were to run a race against them, damnit !

Laughing hollowly, he spotted a bench a few steps away and contemplated the idea to stop and rest for a few seconds.

Sure, people _would_ look at him funnily for deciding to sat down on a bench in the middle of a rainfall, but it was always better than passing out in public. Having made his mind, he sat on it, praying for any sort of miracle to happen. Like acquiring a new superpower that would allow him to teleport directly in his apartment, or for the rain to _fucking stop_.

Sighing, he concentrated on thinking about anything but the rain and the massive headache that it was giving him. He was trying and failing massively, when suddenly, he saw something moving at his right. He turned his head slowly, and found himself looking at a cat. He could have recognized that ginger fur and yellow eyes anywhere.

« Hey » he said weakly, because he had nothing else to say. It had been a while since he last saw the cat. Probably hadn't since he started chemo.

The cat said nothing, simply looked at him and sat next to him, his eyes never leaving his, and Jamie started petting him gently.

He knew that the cat wasn't _really_ there. He knew that it was just an hallucination provided by his sick brain, and he vaguely guessed that it was not that much of a good sign that his hallucinations were coming back.

But the cat had a soothing effect on him. He felt his headache becoming more manageable, and the rain didn't matter that much anymore now that all of his attention was on the animal. It was almost nice.

« Jamie ?! »

He jumped at hearing his name, and turned to look at his brother's car, parked right in front of him. Danny quickly got out of it, and took him by the arm.

« What the fuck are you doing here ?! Damnit you're soaking wet !". His brother expression was a mix of incredulity and annoyance. "Get in the car, come on. »

Following his sibling's order, Jamie sat on the passenger side, while his brother returned to his place. He didn't even need to look at the bench to know that the cat was not there anymore.

Danny had a worried look on his eyes, but Jamie couldn't get himself to say anything. His older brother sighed, and, uncharacteristically, gently ran an hand in Jamie's hair. It felt nice, and he let himself relax to the touch, not daring to question it. Then, he felt Danny putting his hand on his forehead, and because he had closed his eyes, he heard rather than saw his brother frown.

« You are really warm. »

He hummed. He felt more cold than warm at the moment, but then again he did just let himself get entirely showered by the rain for quite some times.

« Your seat is going to get all soaked up because of me » he finally said, tentatively opening his eyes.

Danny simply shook his head, and started the car.

« I don't care. Let's get you home. »

« Yeah, I'll like that. »

« And then you can explain to me what the hell you were doing outside with this storm. »

Jamie smiled. He didn't know how his brother had known where to find him or if it was just pure luck, but he definitely felt thankful for that.

.

* * *

 _Hiiiii_

 _I'm honestly suprised at how fast I'm finishing and publishing these chapters. Next one is almost done too, so you shouldn't have to wait too long !_

 _Thanks again for all of your kind reviews, favorite or follows. Really really really motivating._

 _I'm glad you liked the chapter from Danny's POV - I will try to make more like this one, I really enjoyed writing it. In the mean time, I hope you're not to mad at me for not really bringing the other Reagan in the story yet, it won't be long now, but I don't want to rush it._

 _CBloom2, not that I don't want to answer your question but well... I also don't want to spoil the ending (°^°) So my lips are sealed, I hope you'll forgive me ! And a big thank you for your nice reviews :)_

 _Wishing you a great day or night depending on the time it is where you live, and all my french love goes right to you xx_

 _PS : I edited the last chapter to show the date, because I felt that it was easier to keep track of the the story progress this way. Don't hesitate to tell me if you like it better this way or not :)_


	6. Chapter 5

_Author's note at the end_

* * *

.

 **CHAPTER FIVE**

.

 ** _Monday, April 15th_**

.

« You're hot. »

« So I've been told. »

Danny rolled his eyes, not quite successfully keeping himself from smiling.

« Yeah well you're burning up too. For a genius, it was quite a stupid idea to just stay out in the rain. »

They had arrived to Jamie's apartment an hour ago, and Danny had not stopped hovering over him since. It was touching, really, but Jamie was starting to grow tired of it. His brother had forced him out of his wet clothes, helping him during the process of undressing and dressing him again - although Jamie had draw the line at the underwear, and had insisted he would be fine changing it all by himself in his bathroom -. He had then made him sit on his couch, and had brought him his medication, frowning at the numbers of pills Jamie had to take. Once this was done, he had determined that Jamie was way too hot for his liking, and had since been looking for a thermometer that Jamie was sure to have somewhere in his house, but had no idea where exactly.

« Found it ! »

Danny's exclamation and his victorious smile made Jamie grin.

« Wow. You truly are an incredible detective. »

« Very funny. Keep your mouth open now so I can take your temperature. »

« Didn't know you were a nurse too. Does Linda know you're trying to steal her job ? She - hmpf »

He pouted at his brother, who had just forced the thermometer in his mouth. Danny chuckled.

« Sorry kid, what were you saying ? Keep that in there now. »

Jamie saw his brother fill up a glass of water in the kitchen, and coming back with it.

« Drink it » he said, holding it out for him in one hand and removing the thermometer from his mouth with the other. He obeyed, silently thanking his brother who only frowned in response.

« What ? »

« 102.2 °F »

« It's not that bad, Danny. »

Judging from his older brother expression, it had definitely not been the right thing to say.

« Yeah, well, it definitely isn't _that good_ either. »

« It's just the chemo Danny. It will go down. »

« I don't really think your little trip in the rain helped » Danny growled. « What were you even doing anyway ? »

Jamie closed his eyes, letting his head rest on the couch.

« I couldn't find a cab, and got tired walking home. I didn't mean to just stop there. How did you even found me ? »

Danny stayed silent for a few seconds, and then spoke hesitantly again : « I wanted to come fetch you after your appointment today but I got held at work. Figured you were already at your apartment and I saw you on my way to there. »

Jamie opened his eyes, surprised. « How did you know about the appointment ? »

At that, the detective made a face. « You told me yesterday. 4PM at Lenox Hill Hospital. You don't remember ? »

« No… » the youngest responded, pensive. Had he really told Danny ? He must had, otherwise his brother wouldn't have known which hospital he was treated at, but he simply had no memory of that. That was disturbing. Were there other things that he had forget about also ?

Seeing Jamie's troubled expression, Danny pat him gently on the shoulder. « Eh, that's alright. Not that big of a deal. How did the appointment go ? »

Jamie's face darkened at that. Slowly, he told him about his oncologist observations, and her decision to start a more aggressive treatment. Danny listened silently, trying to keep the worry at bay. He looked at the radiotherapy session's planning his brother had put on the table earlier, and that had miraculously mostly survived from the downpour earlier. He took a quick picture of the planning with his phone despite already remembering them by heart.

« The first one is Wednesday at 10AM. I'll arrange it so I can take you there and get you back after. »

« Danny you don't have to… »

« And let you catch pneumonia or who know what else outside because you can't get back home ? » Danny continued « Come on kid, don't be ridiculous. Let me help. »

Jamie almost felt like crying. « Thank you. »

« Yeah, yeah » the older replied, embarrassed « Don't mention it. You've got to tell Dad and the others though. »

« I know. »

Danny looked at him, trying to decipher is face. « You can't hide it from them. You've already hide it for too long. And besides, you can't stay here all by yourself, and I won't be able to be there all the time. Especially if they don't know the truth. I don't even know what I'm going to tell Linda for tonight. »

« Tonight ? » questioned Jamie.

« Yeah, stupid. Do you really think I'm going to let you stay alone like that ? I'm not even just talking about the fever. You can't even walk two steps on your own ! »

« You could have just said I'm great company. » grumbled Jamie, faking outrage.

His brother laughed, and took out his phone. « Tell that to yourself if that make you sleep better at night. Stay there, I'm gonna call Linda quick. Don't move. Oh, and you're telling Dad tomorrow, that's non-negotiable. »

.

 _ **Tuesday, April 16th**_

.

« _Francis Reagan._ »

« _Hey Dad, it's me._ »

« _Jamie. It's good to hear your voice._ »

« _Yeah, for me too Dad. Am I interrupting you or something?_ »

« _I have a few minutes before my next meeting._ »

« _Oh, good_ »

Frank listened to his son, shakily breathing through the device.

« _Jaime ?_ »

« _Oh yeah, hmm, sorry. How are you Dad ?_ »

Frank frowned, but chose to not point out Jamie's suspicious behavior. It probably wouldn't help anyone, if only making his son even more uncomfortable than he already seemed to be.

« _I am fine. How are you ? It's been a while since I last saw you._ »

« _I know, I'm sorry about that. Hey, do you have some time tonight ? I have… I've something to tell you._ »

« _I'm sorry Jamie. I'm expected at a ceremony tonight._ »

« _Oh._ »

The disappointment in his son's voice broke his heart.

« _What about tomorrow night ? I'll be happy to have you over for dinner. Pops too._ »

« _Yeah I'll try but…_ »

« Sir ? »

Frank looked up to his assistant.

« Sir, have arrived. Should I make him wait for a few minutes to let you finish ? »

« No, that's fine, send him Abigail, please. »

« As you wish, sir. »

She got out and he sighed, before pressing his phone to his ear again.

« _Listen son, I've got to go._ »

« _I heard, don't worry. Bye Dad._ »

« _Bye Jamie._ »

Frank was about to say something else, anything to feel a bit less guilty to let down his son twice in a phone call, but his youngest had already hang up. He put the phone down on his desk and reflected on the short but to say the least disconcerting conversation he just had with his son.

 _Maybe Danny is right_ , he thought. _Maybe there is something serious going on with him_.

Seeing Abigail coming back with his appointment, he decided to think about that later. After all, his son had seem fine. It could probably wait until tomorrow night.

.

Jamie sighed, putting down the phone on the tiled floor of his bathroom. Well, he had tried. Danny wouldn't be too happy to know that their father didn't knew yet, but tomorrow night was not that far away after all. One day more wouldn't hurt anyone would it ?

But still. Danny had been right. The idea of being all on his own tonight was not en enjoyable one. First day of taking his new chemo treatment, and he was already noticing the difference. His fever from last night hadn't go down, even going up at daybreak, leaving him a sweaty mess on his bed, incapable of moving without feeling like he was going to faint.

Fortunately, this had happened after Danny departure, otherwise his brother would never had let him alone for the day. He was already putting Danny is a difficult position as it was. His brother really didn't need to have problems at work on top of that for not showing up because a sick Jamie needed him.

Now, his fever had gone down to a tolerable level, but while he was desperately thirsty, he could not get down a single drop of water or anything else for the matter - food was totally out of question - without puking it up right again. And even when he had literally nothing else to puke in his stomach, he was left to painfully dry heave over the toilet bowl, wishing to just pass out already or _something_.

His head was feeling heavy, and he was starting to get light-headed. He knew that he needed to lie down and fast, but his bed was so far away, and the cold tiles of his bathroom were he was seated seemed so much more inviting at the moment. So he lied down right next to his toilet, keeping his phone near in case his father decided to call him back after his meeting. Eyes heavy, he closed them and decided that a nap was the best course of action right now. Not like he was up to do anything else, anyway.

.

* * *

 _Hiiii_

 _Well I don't have a lot of things to say today. But I hope you all are fine and liked this chapter !_

 _I know I know, the others had yet to make a real appearance - but Frank is making a tiny entrance here, and will be a major part of the next chapter, along with Erin. Although I can't promess you it will go as "smoothly" let's say as it did with Danny..._

 _As always, a big thanks for your reviews, xoxo_


	7. Chapter 6

_Author's note at the end_

* * *

.

CHAPTER SIX

.

 ** _Thursday, April 18th_**

.

« Hey Dad. »

« What are you doing here ?

« I wanted to come talk to you. Pops isn't here ?

« No. I waited for you yesterday. »

His father was definitely not happy. That was not a good start.

« I know, replied Jamie with an hesitant smile. I'm really sorry, I wasn't able to come. »

Frank stepped away from the door, and, without waiting for him to enter, went back to the living room. Jamie followed him, internally sighing. So much for his hopes of an easy discussion. At least he was feeling relatively fine today, he pondered. Nausea had yet to make an apparition and he only had a slight headache, that he could most certainly deal with after the migraines he had had daily for the past weeks. Thank god for small mercies, he guessed.

His father had sat down on his usual chair and had served himself a drink without even offering Jamie one. Sure, the younger would have refused it, but still, it was a sign of how angry is father really was, and Jamie knew he had to act with caution./

" The chairs are there for a reason. »

Jamie scratched his head and sat down in front of his father. Damn, that really wasn't what he had planned.

« So hmm… How was your day ? »

« Fine. »

« Nothing new ? »

« No. »/

Jamie sighed. « Come on Dad, please. I'm sorry, but don't be like that. »/

Looking at his father's face, Jamie realized that it had not been the smartest thing to say.

« I waited for you yesterday's evening, and you didn't show up. You didn't even call. I raised you better than that. »/

Jamie felt his cheeks reddening. Okay so maybe his father had the right to be angry that he let him down last night, but even then, that was harsh.

« I tried calling you this afternoon. »

« I was busy. As you've seem to have been for the past month. »

His father wasn't even looking at him, quietly sipping his drink, eyes fixed on the wall besides him.

« I'm sorry, Dad. I am. »

« Being sorry doesn't instantly make everything okay. I have been patient and let you do what you had to do alone, but it is enough. You can't just go and abandon everything. That's not how it works. You know, I though that you just needed some time to yourself and that it wasn't right to disturb you but you were just being egocentric and pushing everyone away. I was happy to see you yesterday, but you let me down once again. »

Jamie felt like crying. He felt like hitting the wall in frustration, breaking his father's glass, burning the whole house. Wow. So much for the supportive father. Okay so he had not been giving much news for a month - but was it really a crime ? He could've killed a whole family he would've been treated the same. Sure, he should've come yesterday, and he guessed his father was right to be irritated. But it wasn't exactly like he decided not to come. Passing out in the middle of the afternoon on your couch and only waking up the following morning must have counted as a valid excuse, after all.

He had wanted to tell it all to his father - the cancer, his demission, the treatment, the hallucinations… But seeing how the police commissionner seemed determined not to look at him or have anything to do with him tonight, it was becoming more and more difficult. Had his father even really looked at him, he would've guessed something was wrong with him, Jamie thought.

Sure, today was a good day and he was feeling better than he had been for a long time. But even the baggy sweatshirt and pants he wore could not entirely hide the amount of pounds he had lost in so little time, and his skin was still way to white for him to be healthy.

If Frank had noticed his son' sickly state, he did not act at all like it. Jamie guessed his father frustration was to hold accountable for it, but still, it hurt. Wasn't he supposed to always know when he was unwell ? Mom would've know, he thought grimly.

« You said you had something to tell me. »

Jamie jumped slightly, surprised by his father intervention.

« Hmm yeah. See Dad, I hmm… I resigned. »

That seemed to finally catch his father attention. Frank put down his glass and looked at him straight in the eyes, as if to determine if he was joking or not.

« You did what ? »

Jamie was about to answer when they heard the entry door opening.

« Dad, you there ? I brought you the papers I was talking to you about the other day. You will never guess what Anthony said about… » Erin stopped in her tracks, noticing the scene in front of her.

« Oh Jamie you're here too ! It's been a while, how are you ? »/

Jamie stayed silent. That was so not what he had planned it, damn it. Why did it have to be so complicated ? He had just wanted to talk to his father, alone. Why did his sister had chosen this same night to come ? Luck clearly wasn't on his side.

.

.

Erin was far from a stupid woman, and she knew when her presence wasn't wanted. And right now, she could clearly tell that she was interrupting something. Still, even though a part of her mind was screaming to just put down the papers and go away, her curiosity needed to be fulfilled.

She quietly looked at her father stern but almost worried eyes, fixed on her little brother. He hadn't said a word since her grand entrance, and even though Frank wasn't a particularly talkative man, it was strange. She started to worry.

« Okay, what is up ? »

Jamie sighed at her right, and she turned to get a good look at him. And boy, did she disliked what she saw. Her baby brother had always been a beautiful boy. Nice physique, baby blue eyes, sandy hair, charming face and cute smile, ladies (and some men too) loved him. He was still beautiful, but there was something off with him. He had always had sharp cheeks, but now they seemed a bit hollow. His skin color was too pale, his eyes too shiny, and his baggy shirt to baggy. Erin felt her worry increase.

She had expected her brother to came back from his vacations looking healthier than ever. Jamie had been working too hard for too long, and she, contrary to Danny, thought that it was a great thing that he finally decided to slow down a little and take some time off. But now that she saw him, looking nothing but refreshed, she realized that maybe Danny had been right. Maybe the vacation weren't what they seemed. That, or Jamie had caught one hell of a bug in Florida.

« Is no one going to answer me ? Seriously what is up with you guys ? »

Her father continued to stay mute, which was become unnerving very fast.

« Hey Erin. How are you ? »

« I'm fine. You, on the contrary, she responded while gesturing at her brother, are clearly not. How much weight have you lost ? »

At that, Frank seemed to finally react, and she saw him frowning. Okay, her father did not seemed to have been aware of his son' state, only noticing it now. That was not normal. Nothing was normal tonight. She really needed a drink, but she needed even more to know what the heck was happening and why her brother was looking so frail and sickly.

« I resigned. »

She stopped for a minute, shocked. Okay, that was not what she had expected to hear. And her worry was now at an higher level than she thought was possible. Shaking her head, she continued :

« Why would you do that ? You - no, you know what, we'll deal with that later. Don't tell me that resigning made you lose all that weight because I will not trust you. What is happening with you ? Does it have something to do with you going away for so long ? »

Jamie kept his head down.

« I should go. »

« What ? » her voice raised an octave « No ! You can't just go ! »

« No, you wanted to talk to Dad and I… »

« Stay. »

Erin jumped in surprise hearing her father calm but commanding tone. Her brother only seemed to be angry at the remark.

« Why ? A few minutes before you were practically pushing me out of the house. »

Frank sighed. « You are always welcome here, son. »

« Well it wasn't my impression before. »

« Okay, come on guys, let's calm down, alright ? » added Erin, trying to diffuse the situation. But Jamie was quite clearly furious about something that she didn't know about. Her brother losing his temper with someone else than Danny was not a common sight - coupling that with her father weird behavior and Jamie worrying state, this night was quickly becoming more and more awful.

Danny chose this exact moment to enter in the house, facing the surprised look of his father and sister and the relieved one of his brother.

« Erin ? What are you doing here ? »

She laughed. « I should be asking you the question. » All the Reagans children in the same house, the same night. How bizarre.

« Jamie asked me earlier to come get him. »

At that, Jamie seemed to wake up. Slowly, he started getting up of his chair. Danny immediately jumped to help him. Hmm, okay, that was weird,thought Erin. Danny definitely knew something she and her father didn't.

« Listen Erin » finally said Jamie « I gotta go. I'll see you later. Sunday, maybe. I don't know. I hope you're okay. »

He kissed her cheek, and she stayed in place, stunned. Frank quickly got up too and caught his arm, prohibiting him from going away. Danny frowned.

« You're hurting me » weakly said Jamie, eyes never leaving his feet, « Please let me go. Dad, please. »

« Dad come on let him go. »reinforced Danny, hearing his brother pleading tone.

« Not before he tells what is going on. »

« You didn't tell him ? » asked Danny, surprised. He shook his head. « Really, kid… You've been avoiding it long enough. »

Jamie's face crumbled.

« I tried to tell him. » He turned to face Frank « I tried. But you're not making this easy. »

« Jamie. What is wrong. »

Her baby brother took a deep breath, and, still trying to get his arm free, responded :

« Me. I'm wrong. My brain in wrong. I've been getting those hell of a migraine for a while, and there was this cat too - but that's not important, and you can't see him. So I went to the doctor, and guess what ? I have a tumor. A big one. So yeah, I have cancer and I feel like shit and I could not come yesterday because I passed out. »

Frank, shocked, loosened his grip. Jamie pulled back his arm. Danny looked a mixture of sadness and relief. Gently, he put his hand on his brother shoulder.

« Okay, I think it's enough for tonight, I'm taking you home. We can all talk about it another day. »

Erin thought about stopping him, asking to know more, but her mouth seemed incapable of working correctly. And although she wanted nothing more than hug Jamie at the moment, her feet didn't seem to respond either, and she watched them left the house without moving from her position.

* * *

 _Hiiii_

 _So it have been kind of a while... I'm sorry to everyone that was waiting for the next chapter. You know how life is - sometimes you manage to find a lot of free time, sometimes you don't... Well I hope you'll like this chapter anyway. The next one is almost complete. Once again, English isn't my native langage, so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Please let me know if you find one, and please let me know if it's not too inconfortable to read me despite the possible errors I'm making !_

 _I changed the title of the story, too, because I felt like the other one wasn't that great anymore. Hope it doesn't disturb you all too much !_

 _All my love goes to you, XOXO_


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